Ode to Dan

So there's this guy at work and he deserves an entire blog all to himself. His name is Dan, but for the purposes of this blog, we shall call him Dan. Ok so Dan...he is like this walking dichotomy of personality. At first glimpse he appears angry and bitter about life, but at second glimpse he is just downright hateful. No that's not true, if you are able to peal away the many layers of D you ultimately get down to this giant, cuddly, paranoid schizophrenic teddy bear. I love him. Ok so Dan is a big dude, not so much "jean claude van damme" big, more like..."we had to order special chairs" big. And he has no shame about this, infact some would even say, he takes pride in it. It's not unusual to walk into the office and smell spare ribs coming from his cubicle. No joke, the guy plugs a george foreman into the powerstrip and BBQ's at his desk. By some stroke of luck, I have managed to wind up on the guys good side. There are like four people on Dan's good side. Our Supervisor, This little old lady that he house sits for when she goes to visit her son in florida, me, and the guy who puts extra onion rings on his cheeseburger at Carls Jr.

So anyway, today i walk into the office, the office mind you, a place where we pretend to conduct real business. and the guy is sitting there widdling this piece of cedar. i look over his shoulder and it's a fucking plaque with whinny the pooh on it. This is a bit like stumbling upon Jeffrey Dahmer engrossed in a coloring book. He also has a small torch plugged into the power strip and he's wood burning shading into Pooh's tree. I look at him with this squinty...'do i even want to ask' look and he just looks at me and shrugs and says...

"it's carving this or carving bodies"

nuff said.